Question:
NotMike’s Guide to Getting Laid by Internet Chicks
Alright all you Internet virgins, listen up! I know you come here for the porn, but I’m here to help you make your dirty little fantasies a reality. Yes that’s right, you pimply faced ninety pound freak, guys like you CAN get laid. I can hear you now, talking to the monitor, “but Mike, how can this be possible?” Well I’ll tell you. I’ve done this myself a number of times and it is over 95% effective. Why only 95%? That way I’m covered because I’m sure a bunch of you inbreds are going to screw this up.
Step 1: Get a copy of Evil Dead 2 on DVD.
Evil Dead 2? That’s right! This timeless classic by Sam Raimi (the dude who did Spiderman) is short enough, scary enough, and silly enough to allow you to do the following steps with effectiveness and ease. Another bonus is that the majority of girls you’ll be trying to seduce have never seen it. After you get it, watch it a few times so you become familiar with it, although, if you’re a geek worth his salt you’d of seen this already and will probably own it. Good for you!
Step 2: Sign up to some Internet chick finding service.
This can be HotOrFatty.com, TastyVagina.com, AnalPals.com or whatever tickles your fancy. Once you get your picture up there, put some cheesy profile along with it and then find yourself a local girl. How local? Who cares! Just make her drive over to your house, but we’ll get to that later. Find a girl that’s within thirty or so miles of your swingin’ bachelor pad and get her screen name on AIM or whatever the hell you guys use.
Step 3: Courting.
Make sure you have a couple semi-decent pictures of yourself. When talking to your slut-to-be, make sure you follow the Three C’s: compliment, compliment, and compliment. Compliment everything she’s got -- flattery will get you everywhere. Get to know her a little, ask a little about her crappy life, and try to make sure she drives. That always helps. Do this for about a week or however long it takes for her to begin to trust you.
Step 4: Get her over!
This is the hardest step in the entire process. If you fail Step 3, you’re done for, but since it’s the Internet, you can keep trying until you master your game! I would advise doing the process at the same time with a few different girls; the odds are more in your favor while you play a few bitches at the same time. Every Internet pimp always is playing at least five hoes at once!
Once you get her to trust you a little, and she thinks you’re cute, and whatever else vagina does, ask her to hang out! Make up some bullshit excuse that you prefer to just hang out at your place for a while before going out somewhere, because it’ll give you a better opportunity to get to know each other in person. If she agrees, give her your address and get her to come over. In some instances you might have to go pick her up, but, the payoff might be worth a little drive. Now would be a great time to go shave your face… and your balls. Girls hate getting a mouthful of hair!
Step 5: Suggest a movie.
I own an ungodly amount of movies, so it’s overwhelming for a girl to pick one out when I offer. Just narrow down her search to Evil Dead 2 (which you helpfully suggest at the end) by asking “How about something funny?” or “How about something a little scary?” and the ever popular “Oooh, have you seen Evil Dead 2? It’s in my top 5!” and there you go. Sit her down on the couch/bed/bench/footstool/turnip and sit kind of close. I usually put my arm up on the couch behind her, just casual, not holding her.
Step 6: Be observant/funny.
Since you’ve seen this, I hope you know where all the scary and funny parts are. Be sure to comment on little mistakes in the movie and be ready for her to jump at a few of the scenes. Around when his girlfriend pops up at the window is when I transition to my arm on her shoulder because she is usually a little jumpy from that scene, so it’s a good opportunity. I use the same jokes every single time I use this method, so once you think of a few good ones, stick by them. The girl will see that you can keep her safe and make the situation a little more lighthearted overall.
Step 7: The little things.
Throughout the movie move a little bit closer to her, and eventually you should be holding her hand. Girls like to fling their hands up when they get scared for some reason, I have no idea why, I think it’s a genetic reaction to dissipate heat from their breasts. One of the times a scary moment happens in the movie, grab her hand from the air and say something along the lines of “Whoa there, I don’t want you hurting anyone!” and then just don’t let go. If she pulls her hand away, don’t bother with the rest of this guide, but if she holds on, you’ve got a green light. Watch the rest of the movie…
Step 8: The moment of truth.
OK! You have this random girl with you watching Evil Dead 2, you’re holding hands and generally close on the couch. Now, here’s the part where you make a decision that will affect the future of you and this girl. Let me tell you what to do now before I present the moral ramifications. As soon as the credits come on, look her in the eyes. I’m talking directly in. Your faces are going to be pretty close together, and say, “so… did you like it?” Regardless of response, she’s going to look down a little at your lips. At that moment, go for the kiss. BOOM! You’re kissing this random girl, on your couch, and you’ve just met her a little over 80 minutes ago. Isn’t that amazing?
Here’s that moral ramification part I was telling you about… WHO ****ING CARES ABOUT MORALS. But seriously, if you want to have a relationship with this girl, stop all the damn smooching. Don’t jump your gun because it’s just going to lose something if you keep it up. Tell her you had a wonderful time and want to see her again. Talk a little, give her a peck goodnight, and say you’ll call her. If you don’t really care if you ever see her again, proceed to Step 9.
Step 9: Foolies.
Just do your thing, you pimp! Whatever you like to do with a girl, just start doing it. Go from kissing to groping to picking her up and throwing her on the bed to go at it like rabid dogs in heat. It’s just what a true pimp has to do. I can’t really give you pointers here because everyone has a different style and every girl has their unique quirks. I got you this far, so sticking your cock inside the vag is up to you.
Step 10: The aftermath.
Well, you just shot your load in her mouth/ass/vagina and it’s time to say goodbye. Remember, you can’t have a relationship with some slut that gives it up on a first date, that’s just not right, so this might be the last time you’ll ever see this ho. You just can’t respect someone that gives it up that fast. Now it’s time to kick the bitch out! Say you have to get up early or go kill nuns or sodomize sheep or something. If she spends the night you’ll be getting more than you bargained for, especially since you don’t want to see her anymore. If you DO want to see her again, you should have paid attention in Step 7, you horny ****.
Step 11: Once she’s gone.
Bask in your own glow and say “I’M THE MAN NOW DOG!” then make a thread on the Stile Project Forum and spread the good news. You just got laid!
If you don’t want to talk to her again, just block the bitch from your insant messaging program. If you just want to slowly transition away, just have trite conversations and eventually she’ll feel like a ***** and block YOU. It also helps to tell her that you hope you didn’t catch and STDs from her. If you are going to carry on a relationship, good for you, that’s more than I ever got out of this damn Internet, but I still haven’t given up hope. I know there’s a gorgeous girl out there that wants to kiss me goodnight after dinner and a movie. Yeah, I’ll keep dreaming.
This concludes the “Getting Laid by Internet Chicks” tutorial. Good luck and godspeed.
I’d like to hear about your successes/miserable failure from this method, maybe we’ll have a little page with your replies. Oh yeah, don’t tell everyone about this guide, we have to keep some things sacred.

Answer:
NotMike’s Guide to Getting Laid by Internet Chicks
Alright all you Internet virgins, listen up! I know you come here for the porn, but I’m here to help you make your dirty little fantasies a reality. Yes that’s right, you pimply faced ninety pound freak, guys like you CAN get laid. I can hear you now, talking to the monitor, “but Mike, how can this be possible?” Well I’ll tell you. I’ve done this myself a number of times and it is over 95% effective. Why only 95%? That way I’m covered because I’m sure a bunch of you inbreds are going to screw this up.
Step 1: Get a copy of Evil Dead 2 on DVD.
Evil Dead 2? That’s right! This timeless classic by Sam Raimi (the dude who did Spiderman) is short enough, scary enough, and silly enough to allow you to do the following steps with effectiveness and ease. Another bonus is that the majority of girls you’ll be trying to seduce have never seen it. After you get it, watch it a few times so you become familiar with it, although, if you’re a geek worth his salt you’d of seen this already and will probably own it. Good for you!
Step 2: Sign up to some Internet chick finding service.
This can be HotOrFatty.com, TastyVagina.com, AnalPals.com or whatever tickles your fancy. Once you get your picture up there, put some cheesy profile along with it and then find yourself a local girl. How local? Who cares! Just make her drive over to your house, but we’ll get to that later. Find a girl that’s within thirty or so miles of your swingin’ bachelor pad and get her screen name on AIM or whatever the hell you guys use.
Step 3: Courting.
Make sure you have a couple semi-decent pictures of yourself. When talking to your slut-to-be, make sure you follow the Three C’s: compliment, compliment, and compliment. Compliment everything she’s got -- flattery will get you everywhere. Get to know her a little, ask a little about her crappy life, and try to make sure she drives. That always helps. Do this for about a week or however long it takes for her to begin to trust you.
Step 4: Get her over!
This is the hardest step in the entire process. If you fail Step 3, you’re done for, but since it’s the Internet, you can keep trying until you master your game! I would advise doing the process at the same time with a few different girls; the odds are more in your favor while you play a few bitches at the same time. Every Internet pimp always is playing at least five hoes at once!
Once you get her to trust you a little, and she thinks you’re cute, and whatever else vagina does, ask her to hang out! Make up some bullshit excuse that you prefer to just hang out at your place for a while before going out somewhere, because it’ll give you a better opportunity to get to know each other in person. If she agrees, give her your address and get her to come over. In some instances you might have to go pick her up, but, the payoff might be worth a little drive. Now would be a great time to go shave your face… and your balls. Girls hate getting a mouthful of hair!
Step 5: Suggest a movie.
I own an ungodly amount of movies, so it’s overwhelming for a girl to pick one out when I offer. Just narrow down her search to Evil Dead 2 (which you helpfully suggest at the end) by asking “How about something funny?” or “How about something a little scary?” and the ever popular “Oooh, have you seen Evil Dead 2? It’s in my top 5!” and there you go. Sit her down on the couch/bed/bench/footstool/turnip and sit kind of close. I usually put my arm up on the couch behind her, just casual, not holding her.
Step 6: Be observant/funny.
Since you’ve seen this, I hope you know where all the scary and funny parts are. Be sure to comment on little mistakes in the movie and be ready for her to jump at a few of the scenes. Around when his girlfriend pops up at the window is when I transition to my arm on her shoulder because she is usually a little jumpy from that scene, so it’s a good opportunity. I use the same jokes every single time I use this method, so once you think of a few good ones, stick by them. The girl will see that you can keep her safe and make the situation a little more lighthearted overall.
Step 7: The little things.
Throughout the movie move a little bit closer to her, and eventually you should be holding her hand. Girls like to fling their hands up when they get scared for some reason, I have no idea why, I think it’s a genetic reaction to dissipate heat from their breasts. One of the times a scary moment happens in the movie, grab her hand from the air and say something along the lines of “Whoa there, I don’t want you hurting anyone!” and then just don’t let go. If she pulls her hand away, don’t bother with the rest of this guide, but if she holds on, you’ve got a green light. Watch the rest of the movie…
Step 8: The moment of truth.
OK! You have this random girl with you watching Evil Dead 2, you’re holding hands and generally close on the couch. Now, here’s the part where you make a decision that will affect the future of you and this girl. Let me tell you what to do now before I present the moral ramifications. As soon as the credits come on, look her in the eyes. I’m talking directly in. Your faces are going to be pretty close together, and say, “so… did you like it?” Regardless of response, she’s going to look down a little at your lips. At that moment, go for the kiss. BOOM! You’re kissing this random girl, on your couch, and you’ve just met her a little over 80 minutes ago. Isn’t that amazing?
Here’s that moral ramification part I was telling you about… WHO ****ING CARES ABOUT MORALS. But seriously, if you want to have a relationship with this girl, stop all the damn smooching. Don’t jump your gun because it’s just going to lose something if you keep it up. Tell her you had a wonderful time and want to see her again. Talk a little, give her a peck goodnight, and say you’ll call her. If you don’t really care if you ever see her again, proceed to Step 9.
Step 9: Foolies.
Just do your thing, you pimp! Whatever you like to do with a girl, just start doing it. Go from kissing to groping to picking her up and throwing her on the bed to go at it like rabid dogs in heat. It’s just what a true pimp has to do. I can’t really give you pointers here because everyone has a different style and every girl has their unique quirks. I got you this far, so sticking your cock inside the vag is up to you.
Step 10: The aftermath.
Well, you just shot your load in her mouth/ass/vagina and it’s time to say goodbye. Remember, you can’t have a relationship with some slut that gives it up on a first date, that’s just not right, so this might be the last time you’ll ever see this ho. You just can’t respect someone that gives it up that fast. Now it’s time to kick the bitch out! Say you have to get up early or go kill nuns or sodomize sheep or something. If she spends the night you’ll be getting more than you bargained for, especially since you don’t want to see her anymore. If you DO want to see her again, you should have paid attention in Step 7, you horny ****.
Step 11: Once she’s gone.
Bask in your own glow and say “I’M THE MAN NOW DOG!” then make a thread on the Stile Project Forum and spread the good news. You just got laid!
If you don’t want to talk to her again, just block the bitch from your insant messaging program. If you just want to slowly transition away, just have trite conversations and eventually she’ll feel like a ***** and block YOU. It also helps to tell her that you hope you didn’t catch and STDs from her. If you are going to carry on a relationship, good for you, that’s more than I ever got out of this damn Internet, but I still haven’t given up hope. I know there’s a gorgeous girl out there that wants to kiss me goodnight after dinner and a movie. Yeah, I’ll keep dreaming.
This concludes the “Getting Laid by Internet Chicks” tutorial. Good luck and godspeed.
I’d like to hear about your successes/miserable failure from this method, maybe we’ll have a little page with your replies. Oh yeah, don’t tell everyone about this guide, we have to keep some things sacred.

Answer:
haha...it works a little as internet girls are more open minded. guys who sign up for matchmaking services 80% looking for filngs. it's hard to find true love on net

Answer:
taken off stile's
damn cool website... ;P

Answer:
the chances of success.. aren't high RIGHT ?

Answer:
duh...
you're not supposed to read it as if it were a fact.
but it's supposed to be funny

Answer:
so how many u do liao bro

Answer:
1033

Answer:
-_- i dun get the joke !! :bangwall: what's funny !?

Answer:
haiz.........
i have done 0........
sob sob sob...........