Question:
Originally Posted by Zibeline I wish I could write this off to the youth of the offender, but I can't. My husband's good friend went on like that for years and years. One day after he had the nerve to wax philosophical about the superiority of his kids (!) over everyone else's children, I could handle it no more. I gave him a fire-breathing lecture about his years of boasting, bragging and general jackassiness.
What do you think happened?
My husband looked horrified and gave me his worst glare..but the friend. He thanked me. He'd just never considered the ramifications of his behavior before.
The bragging stopped and the friend became more pleasant to be around. I should have done it years before, but was too intimidated.
I would recommend talking it over with your SO first
I totally agree that being up front with someone is the best answer but rather then waiting until you overflow with frustration and blurt out your frustrations I would do it in a more controlled way. Do it in private. Take this person aside and as a friend, let them know they their constant bragging is making them come off as a jerk to a lot of people.
It is good to remember that when you are feeling emotions which are generally though of as negative emotions, anger, frustration, annoyance... it is because your subconscious mind is telling you to make a change in your life. The sooner you listen to that and make the necessary change the better it will be.

Answer:
Originally Posted by Riddle Let me see, as kinda of a boor myself how would I like to get this news...
Eye rolling, deep sighs, repeated glances at the old wrist watch aren't going to do it. Truly I am that self absorbed.
There is something to be said for the blunt approach, but honestly I bruise like a peach. So the bluntness ought to be tempered with a little humor. So when I prattle on in my self aggrandizing manner if some one sprayed the air with can of Lysol and said ' is the air getting a little stale in here? Or is it just this conversation? ' I'd know I'd get a clue.
Maybe I'd never return or maybe just lighten up a bit. ; )
Vince Nice Vince.
"Always keep in mind that you CANNOT hurt another person's feelings - they choose to hurt themselves."
That is absurd. It may be true in an ideal world, where everyone is highly intelligent, has no ego, and is perfectly emotionally balanced, but we do not live in that world. That statement only applies to the Borg and Vulcans, not humans.
~mad

Answer:
Originally Posted by MadScientist Nice Vince.
"Always keep in mind that you CANNOT hurt another person's feelings - they choose to hurt themselves."
That is absurd. It may be true in an ideal world, where everyone is highly intelligent, has no ego, and is perfectly emotionally balanced, but we do not live in that world. That statement only applies to the Borg and Vulcans, not humans.
~mad I love it and I don't know any Vulcans and don't associate with the Borg.
I have had the experience of feeling bruised by the above mentioned braggart, and could take it no more. I am truly happy for people who do well and have lovely things...but I think the anger and hurt was in the method "mine is better that yours" he employed in his endless windbag soliloquies.
A "look at my nice new___" never bothers me, but when it is essentially a putdown I just don't wanna play nice. Sorry

Answer:
Originally Posted by serene111 Always keep in mind that you CANNOT hurt another person's feelings - they choose to hurt themselves.
Renato
I love that! Very insightful...Never thought of it that way, but very true. It seems the simplest solutions are always the toughest to implement! I wish I could be more bold and blunt -alas, I think I'll take the road of least resistance -avoidance! Hopefully avoidance will work. But if it doesn't - and as a result strains start to occur in your relationship with your husband which would otherwise not be there, remember that you always have another tool at your disposal.
Best Wishes,
Renato
P.S. - One good avoidance strategy - buy a couple of bottles of Optifast (or any other equally nauseous dieting meal replacement drink). Tell him that you and your husband are now on an Optifast diet. If he pops in, make him dinner ( i.e. a bottle of Optifast) saying that you had yours earlier. You may never see him again.
--------------------------------------
Originally Posted by MadScientist Nice Vince.
"Always keep in mind that you CANNOT hurt another person's feelings - they choose to hurt themselves."
That is absurd. It may be true in an ideal world, where everyone is highly intelligent, has no ego, and is perfectly emotionally balanced, but we do not live in that world. That statement only applies to the Borg and Vulcans, not humans.
~mad Unless a person is attacked with weapons grade sonic weapons, sound pressure waves (i.e. noise) hitting that person's ear drums won't hurt that person.
But if one believes that simple words (i.e sound pressure waves) truly can hurt a person, well, that is the world where one assigns magical powers to the human being that made the utterance.
Your choice - live in a world where you are a slave to everyone else's disturbances and "hurt" feelings, or recognise what is really happening when someone is supposedly "hurt" by words.
Renato

Answer:
Renato, I think you got it exactly backwards. Knowing the effects our words are having on our audience is not enslavement, it is empowerment. Words don't just have to hurt, they can be used to touch, heal, and inspire. Whether it is a mom consoling a child or Cicero speaking in front of the Roman Senate, it is the speakers knowledge and wisdom behind the words giving them power.
It is ignoring words effect on others that can make one a boor, almost by definition.
So before I get chased outta here with a can of Lysol, I bid you a good day! = )

Answer:
Originally Posted by Riddle Renato, I think you got it exactly backwards. Knowing the effects our words are having on our audience is not enslavement, it is empowerment. Words don't just have to hurt, they can be used to touch, heal, and inspire. Whether it is a mom consoling a child or Cicero speaking in front of the Roman Senate, it is the speakers knowledge and wisdom behind the words giving them power.
It is ignoring words effect on others that can make one a boor, almost by definition.
So before I get chased outta here with a can of Lysol, I bid you a good day! = ) I think that you badly misinterpretted what I stated.
Of course there will be an effect from the words. The person who hears them will evaluate them and respond in accordance with his or her belief and subsequent emotion.
If I utter the exact same negative words to three different people, then
a. one may feel "hurt" (he keeps telling himself that I shouldn't have said that), and
b. another may feel disappointed but not "hurt" (he says to himself that he wishes I hadn't said that, but unfortunately I did, and life is like that), and
c. yet another may feel like he couldn't care less (he thinks to himself, tough luck, that now he'll go and find someone else to manipulate).
So only one of the three people is feeling hurt as a consequence of my words, since he is hurting himself. But rather than using words, if I instead got a stick and hit each of those three people, not one, but all three would definitely feel I had hurt them.
I choose words knowing full well that there will be an effect, and that it may be better if I were tactful with some people whose ongoing relationship I value, but refusing to make myself a slave to other people's notion of hurt feelings. Among people who have the mistaken belief about "hurt" feelings, most are genuine and non manipulative, and do their best to get along with others. But there is always a significant minority who use that mistaken belief in their manipulation of others - they'll target the genuine people, and rely on the latter's aversion to not "hurt feelings" in order to get what they want.
Why put up with it when you don't have to?
Renato