Question:
Bricklayer Accident Report
Continental Casualty Corporation
Workman's Compensation Division
RE: Claim # 34999J4838
Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I was alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to be slightly more than 500 pounds.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form, that I weigh 135 lb. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.
Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed down slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers on my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid
of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lb. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured
ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel beginning its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.
I hope this answers your questions.
Sincerely,
Mason Mortenson
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*************Warning!!*********
The following hilarious audio clip has both bathroom humor and language some might find offensive. Listen at your own discretion.
http://www.policescan.us/m6423tow.mp3

Answer:
Originally Posted by CoTHukoB Hiya, Fenton! Personally, i'm a hockey hooligan myself (besides spending pretty much the entire childhood in skates and on skis in winter, i played left wing in a local amateur league later on: scored one goal, had two assists, and a bazillion minutes in penalties in one season (haha) ... goon line all the way).
Had to brush up real quick on rugby 'cause i'm not familiar with it at all. So, you ended the tournament on a high note ... excellent. What happened at Murrayfield? And what's meant by playing "the Welsh way"?
Newport sounds all right; you have a Starbucks, an HMV, a leisure centre ... and the birds are safe!
Oh, throw in a joke would ya - i'm fresh out. If you can find a rip from the League of Gentlemen or something you enjoy better, that'd be great! Hi the result at murrayfield was an abberation due to the scots playing with real pride and committment and i think wales went there thinking they were going to win by just running onto the pitch.
The Welsh way is moving the ball wide at any opportunity playing on instinct and not just to a given game plan and most importantly by seeking to offload in the contact area rather than trying to outmuscle the opposition because as a small nation we seem to be smaller than most countries physically so trying to keep the ball moving as much as possible this supposedly counteracts our lack of physicality.
Newport as a city suffers from the fact it was generally a town formed around the industrial revolution of the 19th and 20th centuries and is architecturally functional rather than asthetic,true it has a starbucks but that is blown away by the far superior caffe nero it has a very good pub scene especially for the 18 to 30 year olds as it's very compact with something like 30 pubs/bars and about 10 late night clubs all within an 800 metre radius so can get very lively and raucous at weekends
The city has some outstanding countryside nearby and will also be hosting the 2010 ryder cup at the celtic manor course and i mentioned before is only 10 minutes away from the capital city Cardiff with all it's attractions
P.S sorry if i've hijacked the thread somewhat.

Answer:
Originally Posted by fenton_t_fox P.S sorry if i've hijacked the thread somewhat. Nah, hell no! Conversation's where you find it, screw the hijack!
Good to have ya here, Fenton.

Answer:
[quote=CoTHukoB;1006546]Nah, hell no! Conversation's where you find it, screw the hijack!
Good to have ya here, Fenton.[/Q] try this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRRuzc-rOps and see what you think and then try FAST SHOW on you tube and go to the suits you sketches and see british nudge nudge wink wink humour taken to the absolute extreme they kill me
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An American,A Canadian A Serbian and a British special forces soldier are each taken captive in an undisclosed Muslim country and are paraded naked on the main square in the military prison and granted 3 requests each before they each given 100 strokes of the lash ;
The American is first up and asks for a bottle of makers mark bourbon and a cohiba cigar and a good coating of crisco on his back to try and make the pain tolerable he smokes the cigar quaffs the bourbon and passes out screaming sometime after about the 25th lash.
The canadian is next and requests a bottle of canadian club whisky a big fat spliff of the finest hash and a good coating of moose fat on his back to try and numb the pain 30 lashes in he collapses screaming for his mother and passes out
The serbian is next up and requests a pint mug of rough plum vodka a big hit of crack cocaine to make the pain more intense and some wintergreen to rub on his back so it hurts even more,he drinks the vodka in one spits half back in the mug smokes the crack in one hit and says come on then i'm ready takes all 100 stokes of the lash picks up the mug of vodka spits it in his torturers face and says is that the best you can do you infidel pig i spit on your ancestors memories and laugh in your pussy weak face and walks off totally unaided
The British guy is next up and says i will have a bottle of the best macallan whisky you can find a fine cigar and i'll put the serbian on my back if you dont mind.

Answer:
Rowley Birkin, brilliant! And the Serbian on the back thing's not half-bad either.
Here are a few cute work-related things from the British GQ for everyone ...
"How to decipher office double-talk"
Your boss says: "There is an element in your salary to reflect these duties."
He means: "You will find it just after the decimal point."
He says: "An attractive package of benefits."
He means: "Strictly speaking, free tea and coffee are both attractive and beneficial."
He says: "This will look good on your CV."
He means: "Read between the lines: more work, same pay."
He says: "I'd like you to take ownership of this project."
He means: "My problem is now your problem."
He says: "We believe in a flexible working culture here."
He means: "Your weekends are no longer your own."
He says: "With all due respect."
He means: "With no respect whatsoever."
He says: "He has an incredible depth of experience."
He means: "He has been in the same job for 20 years."
PS: Speaking of the British GQ, there's a good article on blowjobs!